tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post3297147287378244120..comments2012-09-15T19:21:39.591-04:00Comments on Traumatized Adoptive Parents Support: Being Traumatized OurselvesTAPS@post.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16766655249311037563noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post-85679100274015223672012-09-15T19:21:39.591-04:002012-09-15T19:21:39.591-04:00And to think that I was the only parent that ever ...And to think that I was the only parent that ever had to deal with such things. We adopted 3 sibling brothers 5.5 years ago and we are currently separated because of sexual deviant behavior. When will this ever stop? Altahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17586332775155620219noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post-91514570356938740772012-03-07T08:33:58.963-05:002012-03-07T08:33:58.963-05:00We have two adopted sons and three bio kids. One s...We have two adopted sons and three bio kids. One son came ot us at almost three years old and has physical special needs. The other son came to us at 4 years old from a disruption. We knew (or thought we knew) all of his issues before accepting him. Who could have told me that a tiny 28 pound child could wreak havoc on an entire family? Now, 2 years later he is a mostly attached, mostly regulated boy. He does well in school for the most part and I am finally thinking we might actually survive this. There are still days I have my doubts, but I look back and see how far we have come and I have hope.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01618979198068677569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post-4610663210520350482012-02-10T22:46:19.381-05:002012-02-10T22:46:19.381-05:00I hear rave reviews about EMDR from moms just like...I hear rave reviews about EMDR from moms just like you, suffering from secondary PTSD due to their children's violent behaviors. Is your therapist certified in that? I am in grad school to be a counselor and do not have personal knowledge but the families we serve ... and the school books and teachers at my (Christian, reputable) school ... absolutely celebrate it as the best treatment for PTSD.Respite Retreathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00010364331688958370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post-85558387813897512842012-02-10T22:43:21.959-05:002012-02-10T22:43:21.959-05:00Dr. Randy Stinson hits on this topic in a very str...Dr. Randy Stinson hits on this topic in a very straightforward way (the parent's motivation to adopt). I recommend you find what you can by him. He is an adoptive dad of two RAD children living in the trenches with you and us; happens also to be the dean of the Southern Baptist Seminary. He speaks bluntly but if you can relate to any of the scenarios he puts forth, you might avoid a "frivolous disruption" (he explains it).Respite Retreathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00010364331688958370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post-25841655123337386512012-02-10T22:39:14.705-05:002012-02-10T22:39:14.705-05:00Nancy Thomas (When Love Is Not Enough) is coming t...Nancy Thomas (When Love Is Not Enough) is coming to do a seminar in Georgia on March 1st and 2nd. PLU credits for teachers are offered by the Georgia Board of Education; CE credits for psychologists, social workers, therapists and counselors are also available to residents of multiple states. Nancy will also conduct a week-long intensive program from March 12th through the 19th with an attachment therapist. They will work one-on-one with each family, upwards of 3 hours per day per family every day for a solid week! Note: there is only ONE family opening for that intensive program left). See www.respiteretreat.org for more information.Respite Retreathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00010364331688958370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post-49996018809555942822012-02-09T21:15:52.314-05:002012-02-09T21:15:52.314-05:00Iadopted a 6 year old and a 8 1/2 year old. Here ...Iadopted a 6 year old and a 8 1/2 year old. Here is my advice to you. 9 year old foster children walk with a lot of problems. Unless you really want to traumatize your younger too children until they too are a mess - if you want them molested, learning how to drink, do drugs, be out of control - you will readjust your goals and wait until your birth children are older - a lot olders. My 8.5 year old molested 3 of my girls (including one who was 2) and those girls couldn't report until years later. The 6 year old molested the same youngest one twice and is now in jail (she can talk) and she's a wreck. My third adopted son (adopted at birth) has assaulted me and his father multiple times until he is in jail, and our youngest daughter thinks that is what people do: yell and hit to get their way.<br />Is this what you want your birth children to grow up thinking is normal? They internalize and rewrite everything that happens in your home. <br />It is very difficult to attach a 9 yearold. If it hasn't happened during fostering, don't plan on it happening.<br />jmhomomma-o-minniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07915082909133290105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post-73122047279640198452012-02-07T18:03:30.134-05:002012-02-07T18:03:30.134-05:00I am a two mom family with a biological son from e...I am a two mom family with a biological son from each of us, ages 2 and 4 (Dad is part of our family now too and visits at least once a week). We want to expand our family through older child adoption but everything I read scares me. We have one 9 year old foster son right now and previously had three foster siblings ages 2, 3 and 4. The sibling group was too much because they were the same age as our biological children and five kids under five with extra needs and both of us working did not make for a peaceful house. The 9 year old is much more manageable. He is a great kid, especially given his circumstances, but sometimes I don't know how to deal with his push backs, lack of manners, demands. Things I am just not used to. I would like to hear from people who have adopted a child over the age of five and it has been a positive addition to their lives. Sometimes when things get tough I ask myself, "Why are we really doing this?" Is it to make ourselves feel better about something, it is so that people thing we are "cool," is to help a child? Originally I knew I wanted to have at least four kids and I thought it would be selfish to have more than two biological kids when there are so many kids who need/want homes. But I don't want to adopt kids and if they are going to ruin the family. I also would like tips on how to form attachments to an older child.Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03758192069995017493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6794443303467767544.post-51318925795603415322012-02-06T12:39:39.694-05:002012-02-06T12:39:39.694-05:00I don't need. But I can say that we are a ver...I don't need. But I can say that we are a very traumatized family for those exact reasons. We have two adopted sons who have managed to molest all three of our girls (one by both boys.) I have been assaulted by my sons, threated to be killed by a son while he was holding a knife to my throat, watched helplessly as one child hit another, afraid to step in because they both out-weighed me by 100 pounds... etc. The police know us by name. Social services knows us by name. What started out as a positive, good thing with social workers saying things like "I wish we could clone you. We need more families like you." This has turned into my worst nightmare.<br />Mental health issues are rampant and only the worst mental health providers are available for medicaid. We've lost family (I lost my husband but he returned), friends, church support, everything because of the kids we take. At one point I would have said, "Join me in making a difference in our world," but now I caution anyone thinking of fostering or adopting away from this nightmare.<br />And I am one of the good ones. They tell me what has happened was beyond anyone's control. That we were not responsible for the nightmare, that we had done everything reasonably possible.<br /><br />But I'm in therapy with nightmares, afraid I will be killed by one of the kids. I am no longer functioning like a normal mother - I overwhelm so very easily and shut down. I forget things so easily now. I'm frightened, I feel my world is out of control. And it just takes one little event to make me question why in the world I'm still alive.<br /><br />Yes, I'm in therapy. Yes my husband and I are in therapy. Yes, every single child left at home is in therapy. Does that help? Maybe.<br /><br />I read other people's comments - like Cindy Bodies - but it just drives me further down. There are no ideas on how to make things better. Hasn't anybody gotten through this without losing their selves?momma-o-minniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07915082909133290105noreply@blogger.com